Humor Quotes

I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying

Thursday, August 25th, 2011
dragonfly

“Then you should certainly lecture on Philosophy,” said the Dragon-fly; and he spread a pair of lovely gauze wings and soared away into the sky.

“How very silly of him not to stay here!” said Rocket. “I am…

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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house!

Friday, July 22nd, 2011
ebil kitteh

You know what I do? Every month, whether I need to or not, I change the way I say good-bye; I start using a different phrase. People like that. They notice that little extra effort. They’ll say to me, “Pardon me, but didn’t you used to say…

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The weather is like the Government, always in the wrong

Saturday, March 12th, 2011
Giovanni Fattori sunset at sea

In summer time we say it is stifling; in winter that it is killing; in spring and autumn we find fault with it for being neither one thing nor the other, and wish it would make up its mind. If it is fine, we say the country is being ruined for want of rain; if it does rain, we pray for fine weather. If December passes without snow, we indignantly demand to know what has become of our good old-fashioned winters…

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An artist who theorises about his work is no longer artist but critic

Monday, March 7th, 2011
red paint

“I shall paint a picture exactly as I like,” said Harringay, calmly.

This seemed to disconcert the picture a little. “You can’t paint a picture without an inspiration,” it remarked.

“But I had an inspiration – for this…”

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Humor is the ability to recognize and delight in incongruity

Tuesday, June 29th, 2010
laughing dog and girl

It is likely that humor helps bond relationships, as most folks are attracted to others who are in a good mood. The other major function of humor is overcoming stress. In fact, while Spidey uses humor to take the edge off of the life or death situations he…

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Comedy is medicine

Friday, May 28th, 2010
laughing

We have the choice. We can say something or we can say nothing. Not everything true is funny, and not everything funny is true. Most comics feed prejudice and fear and blinkered vision, but the best ones, the comedians…

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For years I thought Solomon had 500 wives and 500 porcupines

Sunday, May 2nd, 2010
porcupine

…and that Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day and a ball of fire by night.

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I’m shallow, but I’m deep for a shallow person

Sunday, March 14th, 2010
pink boa

Once at an Evangelical Christian Publishers’ awards banquet, where all the top books in the industry are honored, I overheard this comment about the guest speaker, a prolific and well-loved author: “Well, he…”

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Love seemed to call me, but it was a wrong number

Thursday, February 11th, 2010
soup tureen

“…Jeeves,” I said, “nothing seems to matter.”

“No, sir?”

“No, Jeeves. A woman has tossed my heart lightly away, but what of it?”

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Total absence of humor renders life impossible

Thursday, January 28th, 2010
head in hands

M. Haume’s conviction and the catalogue of his woes were already becoming tedious… Then – as though suddenly inspired – I cried “Have you tried to get Paris on the telephone?”

He brushed my suggestion aside with a sweep of the…

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Same procedure as last year, Miss Sophie?

Thursday, December 31st, 2009

In many, many German households, just before dinnertime on New Year’s Eve, everyone gathers around the TV to watch a black and white 1963 taping of the short British play Dinner for One. This comedic sketch is about a well-to-do English woman’s 90th birthday dinner. Birthday girl Miss Sophie seems to have outlived her friends, as James, her long-time servant, plays the part of all four dinner guests. Each course of…

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There is nothing so subject to the inconstancy of fortune as war

Tuesday, September 29th, 2009
windmill

…this is September 29th, the birthday of Miguel De Cervantes, author of “Don Quixote,” often cited as the first modern novel. The hero of the novel is an aging farmer who is obsessed with reading

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